Best Actor in a Supporting Role
The pinnacle of the school’s Xmas activities is a Christmas Show at a local Changzhou theatre whereby all the teachers act in a play (in Chinese) and finish by doing a song and dance routine!
Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs it is then. Brilliant, I thought. I’m not really one for acting per se. And dance routines certainly aren’t one of my strong points. I’m more of a freestyle kind of guy in truth.
I opted for one the smallest parts in the play and joined the animals that protect Snow White. I spent weeks learning my lines, or line to be more precise. Ni zen ma la? Meaning ‘what’s the matter with you?’ as you can tell it was a crucial high-pressure acting role. Thankfully I managed to secure the perfect costume.
After some brief acting lessons on how to appear like a genuine gorilla, from the ever-professional ‘brother-uncle Gman’ aka Gareth Goodman, I was all set - kind of.
There was obviously some kind of mix up with my agent as the theatre company didn’t receive my rider request. Alas, without a bottle of hard liquor in sight, I ventured out in front of the sell-out capacity audience of one thousand!
Initially the teacher’s had to accompany some of our kids on stage to perform some children’s songs - the pic is me and four of my little lovelies; Lilly, Tina, Kitty and Elle. Luckily the little boy next to me during the songs had no idea what was going on either so I wasn’t the worst ‘performer’ under the bright lights.
For the play itself my performance, I feel, was no-less than award-winning. Not to take anything away from two of Swindon’s biggest artistes - ‘Dangerous’ Dave Jenkins and Nicholas ‘Don’t Abbreviate It’ Wallbank – who stole the show with their intimate ‘kiss scene’. Rumours are already rife on social media about Oscar nominations but I won’t get my hopes up.
I was forced to sack my agent. As a serious and professional actor, I need proper representation – and, more importantly, one’s rider requirements simply must be catered for darling. Ah, thank you.
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